Sunday, May 23, 2010

Don't Kid Yourself

Smoking kills you and those closer to you. It's a slow and painful death.


The priest is asking the bride, "Do you take Robert as your husband? You have 5 seconds to answer or I cancel the wedding." She took 16 seconds on purpose.

At the honeymoon, the bride tells her husband, "I'm going to give you 13 more minutes to do what yo have to do or the whole thing will be called off." He went to see his doctor to get a prescription of especial pills... 

A guy owes money to the mob. A gangster tells him, "What do you have to say before I kill you? You have 30 seconds."

The man is about to be executed by hanging. The executor asks him for his last words no longer than 3 seconds. "Don't pull the rope!"

Too many people need to use the same bathroom in a cheap hotel. The guy next in line tells the occupier, "I will give you 10 more seconds or I will pull you out." "I cannot make it, I have constipation."

The jury has found guilty the criminal. At the penalty phase, the judge tells him, "You have only two words to say anything." "F... you!"

In a municipal council meeting the Mayor tried to stop a disrupted speaker, with no avail. He didn't have to worry, the police took care in 12 seconds arresting the troublemaker and a citation was given. Were the Miranda Rights read to her in 25 seconds? If not, the whole thing is invalid in one second.

Time is money. Some times is nothing but troubles.

The poor old man is dying. He asks his doctor, "How much time do I have left? "The same that speakers get at the Riverside City Council meetings." "What's that?" "Three minutes!"

Karen Wright was talking to two good friends, Petrozzelli and Moreno. She was saying, "From now on, I won't go over the 3-minutes speaking rule. It is tough to be handcuffed." Her friends didn't believe her, not for a second. 

The Chief of Police was smoking a Cuban cigar at his home, when he saw in T.V. the disturbance at the City Council meeting. Very upset because he had to put off the "Habano," he run to City Hall in 3 minutes. If he would have taken longer, he wouldn't have been allowed to enter the building...

Mayor Loveridge was heard saying after the October 23rd meeting was over, "Thank God, I only have two meetings left, I'm tired to spend time telling Karen for five minutes to stop talking after her 3 minutes speech limit ever time she speaks. God helps Adkison or Bailey."

Karen is running for President of the United States of America against Obama and Romney. There won't be debates because she will take all the time available.

Ms Wright won a contest in San Francisco. "Who could talk longer without stopping."

I have no more time for jokes.

1 comment:

Mimi said...

Please, if you smoke stop!
Do it for your family if you can't do it for yourself.